the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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