Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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