This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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