Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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