I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
