My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
