Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
