So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
