are you so shy because you have an std?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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