Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
