i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
