I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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