It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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