Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
