I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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