you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
