if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
