IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
