screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
