Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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