Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize