Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
