she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.