he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours