do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
