Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
