ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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