Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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