the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
