she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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