all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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