I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
