i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
