Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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