I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
