eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
