Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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