Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
