My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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