I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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