When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
