I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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