I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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