mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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