My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
