I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
