its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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