I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What drink are we having for lunch?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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