I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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