$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
