How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
