Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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