it was like having sex with a tree stump
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My feet surprised me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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