I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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