weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize