Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
