I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think my moral compass just broke
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
