I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
