we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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