my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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