I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
