I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
