I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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