i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So many bounce houses so little time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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