Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
