I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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