plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
