The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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