boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
