no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
