that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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