Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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