I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
