I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
