i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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