I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress