He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
