no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
