even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
