Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
